Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child

    We've all heard that phrase. It's a famous phrase to justify all forms of physical punishment and it's still used today. It's not the only one used either. I'm sure we can all admit to seeing (or sharing) the pithy facebook memes about how the jails would be empty and kids wouldn't be so bratty and awful today if there were just more spankings or if we could go back to the "good ol' days" where you had to bring your father the "switch".
    I don't fault people for that view. After all, the ones saying it, or posting it are usually level headed contributing members of society who firmly believe that their "butt whoopings" is what shaped them into the grounded and solid citizen they are today. Even I slip into that mentality from time to time. However, when I had kids of my own, my mind slowly started to change. It wasn't immediate, heck, I got "the whacker" out on my youngest less than a year ago due to extreme defiance. But I have noticed that as we work with a different mentality on how to mold well rounded children into well rounded adults our "need" for spanking or other forms of physical punishment have diminished
    Last night's Foster Care class really drove home the importance of moving away from physical punishment. You see, a "punishment" is something you do to stop an immediate behavior and, while that isn't always wrong or bad, it doesn't tell a child what they should be doing, only what they should not be doing. What we, as parents, grandparents, Sunday school teachers and everyone else in charge of a child, are really striving for is to teach our kids. What that takes is discipline... you know, the word that also makes up discipleship! To teach!
    While we strive to do that with our children anyways, it's all the more important of kids in your "special" care. Remember, these kids have not come from safe or consistent environments. You may yell at your child and spank their bottom when they've crossed the predetermined line but for the other child?... that other child was beaten for wetting the bed... or withheld food for spilling milk.... or ignored by their parents until they misbehaved. You may mean well but all you're doing is re-enforcing their preconceived notion that adults can not be trusted to meet their needs or care about/for them.
    This hit hard for Matt and myself. Again, not because we use corporal punishment in our house anymore, but because he has one fear inducing "daddy tone" when he's upset. While I may not have a cringe inducing "mommy tone" I can certainly yell when pushed too far. We both realized that needs to change. Not just for the future kids in our home but for our current kids as well. Think about it for a moment. What are we teaching our kids when we yell at them for being upset with them? We are teaching them how to handle conflict. We are teaching them how to handle their emotions. We are doing that by example. There are times to be firm, there are times when the line must be drawn... But does that mean yelling? How well does that work for us in conflicts with other adults? When we spank (outside of for safety reasons, like smacking the hand to keep it form touching flames) what are we teaching our kids about conflict resolution? Is it appropriate to punch or "spank" adults when we're mad at them for not doing what we expect? I know that sounds silly but really think about that for a second. We are charged with raising children into adults. We are charged with the difficult task of setting the example for them on how to handle their own conflicts. That's not an easy task and we can't afford to take short cuts.
    Last night's class really delved into a slew of discipline options to help get a child on track while teaching them what they should do.... And, honestly, it's stuff that I see a lot of parents already doing. It's really stuff even our own parents did (minus the spanking, soap in the mouth etc.) Have you ever had your mother or father say "you can have desert, once you've eaten your broccoli." ? Have you ever had your Grandma say "Taking that gum was wrong. I'm going to take you back to the store and have you return it to them and apologize to make things right." and then get the big lecture about why it's wrong? How about being sent to your room to calm down and then get a talking to once all sides have had a chance to calm down? How about the time your mom or dad took you out for ice cream just because they realized that you needed extra attention? Or the time your dad didn't come to the rescue on that school project you put off and allowed you to deal with the natural consequence of that?  Those are all things that teach kids right behavior, build trust and still allow for consequences.
   Thinking hard about last night I realized, the jails aren't full because kids aren't being spanked anymore. School shootings aren't happening because kids are entitled brats who need the belt to their butt. The jails are full because we are broken by sin. When people say that they think kids need to be "spanked" is that we want kids to be better disciplined. Spanking isn't discipline, it's punishment. As a parent, what do I want? Do I want to stop a behavior? Or do I want to teach my kids the behavior I wish to see from them?Do I want to teach my child that the answer to being disappointed or angry is to hit or do I want to teach them how to handle life's disappointments with grace, humility and the natural consequences of our choices?
I know it's a touchy subject and saying "spanking isn't best" can lead to heated debates but we can all agree that we want our children to become loving and responsible adults who contribute to society (and God's kingdom) in positive ways. Maybe it's time we really take an honest look at our upbringing and re-evaluate what message we received from our parents when the wooden spoon came out and think about what message we're sending to our own kids.

Not your typical blog post

This is not something I would typically blog about.. And honestly, I'm not really blogging about it now.
The point of me posting the below letter is so that my friends and family have a website they can come to, copy and paste the message, and send it to their senators and congressmen so that action can be taken on this important topic.

Message:

The topic of the 2^nd Amendment and Gun Control/Rights has not been so heavily in the news as it has been since 2/14/18. Politicians everywhere are receiving pressure, from all sides of the debate, to act and act swiftly.

There is something, however, very important that both sides are missing and it’s that middle ground. Alexander Hamilton once said “The constitution shall never be construed… to prevent the people of the United Sates who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms.” Should we banish all guns? No. However, as Hamilton pointed out, it is the peaceable citizens that should be allowed to keep their own arms. Currently the laws for obtaining a weapon vary from state to state. But there is one thing in common: the only thing determining if someone is “peaceable” is whether or not they have a clean record. In some states you don’t even have to have a truly clean record. In Wisconsin you can’t own a fire arm if you have been convicted several times and if you take a plea deal that doesn’t count as being convicted which extends the amount of time a violent person has to purchase a gun before that right is stripped.

James Madison wrote “A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” Again, we are missing a key phrase in his statement: “well-regulated”. Once again, we live in a time where there is very little regulation on who can purchase guns. In many places obtaining a concealed carry permit requires a possible 2 hour course and a clean background check and nothing more. There is no course to prove you learned anything from that class. No testing to confirm that you are peaceable and responsible enough to carry the burden of owning such a weapon. There is little to no regulation at all.

When men and women enter the military or the police force, they go through rigorous training to ensure they will be able to handle their heavy responsibility. Many Police Officers receive over 110 hours of gun training alone. While I am not advocating for this level of training, we are doing a huge disservice to our citizens and this country to require no training for gun owners.

When the Founding Fathers wrote the 2^nd amendment, almost everyone owned a gun. Almost everyone understood the weight of that burden and had entire lifetimes of use with them. That is no longer the case. We now live in a time and a culture where a 40 year old can go and purchase a gun without ever seeing one handled in person or without having any training on how to handle the one they are purchasing. We have romanticized the gun and its power and have failed to emphasize how heavy a responsibility owning one is.

It is time we return to what the Founding Father’s said about guns and hold true to it. We need to ensure peaceable and well-regulated individuals are allowed their right to bear arms and non-peaceable and non-regulated individuals are not. The best way to do this is to require any and all citizens wishing to purchase a firearm of any type to go through proper training, including psychological screening to ensure they will be responsible. Once they have passed that test they would be allowed to purchase any legal fire arm with the stipulation that they must pass the test again every 5 years in order to maintain the right to own their firearms.

This should not offend the peace loving citizen that Alexander Hamilton spoke of as they should want to know that any and all of their fellow armed citizens are just as responsible and capable as they are. It would also bring confidence to those who choose to not be armed as they will know the person who is armed has proven they are trustworthy.

This should not offend the well-regulated citizen that James Madison had in mind when he penned this amendment as they will have the well placed confidence that they can handle an emergency when the time comes. It will also bring about confidence to the non-carrying citizen as they will know that the person coming to the rescue really does know what they are doing with that fire arm.

Peaceable and Well-regulated citizens are what we are missing in this current age of gun rights. It is time to bring that back. We must require gun owners to go through training to prove that they are peaceable and well-regulated as the Founding Fathers stated.

Sincerely- 

The Impact on Generations.

Adoption:

It's January in Puerto Rico and a young woman is realizing that she is pregnant.... again! This should be a time of joy but instead she's terrified. You see, she's not married. Worse, the father of this child is already married and is not interested in leaving his wife for her. Abortion is not an option, for so many reasons. 1) it's 1959, and abortion is not something you talk about or can do safely. 2) It's Puerto Rico and like most Puerto Ricans she comes from a strong Catholic family who would never be okay with that. But she has to do something. She decides to check with her parents. Perhaps they will take this one in and raise it just like they did it's older sister.

She goes and asks... But they say no. They're old now and are already raising her daughter from the same affair. However, they also know that she is not capable of raising children on her own. Her IQ is low and her prospects in life are bleak. They care for her but tell her she will have to give the child up for adoption.

In October of 1959, my Tita placed my mother into the hands of nuns to be put up for adoption. Shortly afterwards my mother was adopted to an Irish couple from California and raised as their own. She grew up healthy and full of life. She married the love of her life in 1980, had two children and now has 5 grandchildren that she also loves.

You see, because my Great Grandparents encouraged, pressured and supported Tita in giving my mother up for adoption, I am here today. Because she did not panic and wallow in sorrow over what had happened and seek a back alley abortion, my children are here today. Because of her courage to face the eyes of judgmental people there now exists a lineage of proud, loving and giving people who are forever indebted to her and her parents. She may have had a below average IQ. She may have conceived my Mother and my Aunt through dubious and morally wrong circumstances but she was smart enough to see the value in life and she was blessed enough to know that two wrongs don't make a right.

When I was 14 I was blessed enough to meet her in person. She was small and frail but her smile was big and her heart was bigger. I remember her hugging me tight and covering me in kisses. I remember her crying with joy at meeting my mother, her daughter. It was the most beautiful thing I could have imagined. She was able to see that life was worth it and it was beautiful.

Abortion:

When my mother was 17 she became pregnant by her, then, boyfriend. She was scared, but she valued life and had planned to keep it (maybe even give it up for adoption). However, her mother would not allow it. Her mother was ashamed of what had happened. "Like hell you'll have that child" was her response. Her mother made it clear, "You have that child and you won't have a home to live in". My mother was terrified, shamed and broken. She was only 17, where would she go?  With a broken heart she went to the abortion clinic and allowed the doctor to kill the life growing inside of her. She has never forgotten the pain of that day.

Because my Nana could not see her own irony (benefiting from adoption and yet not allowing another family to benefit from it) a life was ended. Because my Nana could not value life above the power of rumor mills and gossip mongers, I have lost out on a half brother or sister. My mother has lost out on the chance to have saved not just that child but future generations. They don't exist now. They won't exist now.

It breaks my heart and I think about it often. I think of how big our family might be if he/she had been allowed to live and given up for adoption; How rich our family culture could possibly be by continuing the beautiful and sacrificial gift of adoption.

You see, when people talk about adoption, it's very personal to me and when people talk about abortion it is also very personal to me. I feel the impact of both every day.
When people talk about the merits or pitfalls of adoption they tend to stop at just the current generation, but I see beyond that. I see all the potential of not just that child but it's children and it's children's children. I see all of that because I live that... And when people talk of abortion as if it's not that big of a deal, as if it's a good choice whenever the mother wants it to be a good choice... As if it will only impact that one life... I live that too. Because my mom's abortion impacted me and it impacted my children (even if they're too young to know about it or understand it). In either case, the impact of the decision doesn't stop at the woman or the child, it's a ripple effect that impacts generations. We need to see that when we have these discussions. We need to see that these paths leave marks on more than just the first person it touches. Let's make sure we are leaving good ripples. Let's do what we can to love one another and love life.

Next Chapter and the Idols that must be discarded

Over a year ago, our family traveled to South Africa to see if ministering alongside our friends was where God was calling us. We left with full and excited hearts, so convinced that this was right. However, as the months went on and life became crazy, God showed us something else. What did he show us?
1. The Idols we still have to lay down
2. Where our passions really lie

Let me unpack this a bit. When I say the Idols we still have to lay down, I'll be honest, I feel like that's mostly aimed at myself. Not that no one else in our family has room for some spiritual growth to work on but I can only speak the most strongly about myself. What are these things that I still seem to worship at the altar of?

1. Unchecked Condescension. The election this year really brought this out in me as well as my views on Earth Creation. I found myself very caught up in the election and I still find myself very angry and upset about the outcome. I find myself looking down on those who put this person into power and, in turn, patting myself on the back for how "smart" I am to not have fallen for any of his lies or tactics. This is unfair and very un-Christlike. We are all broken people. We all have weaknesses, that includes me. We all have our reasons for making our choices and no matter how I feel about those decisions, that doesn't make that person less deserving of love, grace and care. I can disagree, I can point out evidence towards my way of thinking when the listener is willing to hear it, but I don't have to resort to hurtful tactics and I most certainly don't have the right to think myself better for not making the same choice. Maybe I didn't make that choice but I make 1,000 bad choices every day. Christ forgives me for all 1,000 + bad choices and loves me the same.
Along with that I found the same feelings creeping out when it came to discussions  around God's method for creating this universe. The same feelings of "look how smart I am" and "how ignorant some people can be" kept creeping into my heart.  Such horrible and shameful feelings. It didn't help that I was constantly attacked for my view and that the approach was often condescending right back. It didn't help that some questioned whether or not I was really a Christian because of my "wacky liberal" thoughts. The natural sinful instinct was to get riled up and want to shove back, but that's not the Christ approach.
Romans 12:16 says: "Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight"

James 4:6 says:  "But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

And the one that really strikes at the heart for me is Proverbs 26:12: "Do you see a person wise in their own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for them."

I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to faithfully lay this idol down and walk away for good from it. But I do know my God is great and that every time I'm tempted to pick this one back up or every time I find that I have bent my knee once more towards the wrong god, my God will save me and turn me back towards Him. In some way or another, I end up being humbled and turn back to him. However, knowing that this is a real struggle for me was an important eye opener and continually shows me of my need for Him.

2. Selfishness with money and time. This one is still tough for me. I find my thoughts constantly turn back to "If I just had x amount of money, things would be okay" and that isn't true. People are content and living happy fulfilled lives for far less than what I make. As we came back to the states I realized how much I love my stuff. I love my phone, I love going into Target and, oh oops, how did this shopping cart get so darn full? I love going "oh, Matt's working late? Guess we'll go out to eat." As we were praying about all the possible ways we can serve Christ and further his kingdom I found myself balking at the things I'd actually have to seriously give up. Not know where my paycheck will come from? No thank you. Give up Starbucks? haha, that's a laugh. No more emptying the Target sales rack? What are we cavemen? I can't give these things up! This became more apparent when we first started realizing where our true passion lies, Foster Care or Adoption. When we first started to talk about it I realized I was becoming feisty about really stupid things. "Yes we do need our basement finished but we can only put the room in THAT corner? That was supposed to be our entertainment area, no way!" and "Look our life is so disorderly as it is and our kids have their own issues, I don't think I can take on other kids who have their own set of problems".... I didn't want to give up my fun money, I didn't want to change my dream on what our house would end up looking like etc. I became so angry with myself with just how selfish I was that instead of addressing the problem I just threw my hands up in the air and said "well, clearly I'm not fit for ministry, not in the field and not in fostering... God must want something else for/from me."

As the months past I became more and more angry and frustrated. Life became almost unbearable in how I viewed it. Instead of my typical (slightly rose colored) glasses I saw it through murky miserable lenses. I felt I was a fraud, someone with a nice happy facade but a miserable filthy rag on the inside. In not wanting to call my idols for what they were, I shifted the blame to being every thing and everyone else fault. I saw the world as irreparably damaged and that everything was truly futile. You would have hardly known it from the outside. I was still doing my best to fool myself into thinking "If I can just earn more money. If I can just pay off this bill. If I can just get the house into the shape I want it in. If I can just treat the kids to some special memory making vacations." But in the end, none of it was satisfying me.

But let me tell you the amazing ways my God works.

While I was busy trying to bury my problems and hide my face from God, He kept turning me back to him in the sweetest and sometimes funniest of ways. Allow me to lay out the subtle things my God did.

1. Last December I saw facebook post after facebook post about how the Iowa Foster Care system was overwhelmed and there weren't enough homes for the kids in need.
2. During that time and randomly since then, there has been many a facebook debate around abortion and how pro-lifers say they support life yet they don't all adopt and they don't all foster. The unbelieving friends I had/have continue to push that sometimes not being born at all would be better than growing up in and out of foster homes because all us pro-lifers won't adopt them.
3. Wesley has REPEATEDLY begged for a younger sibling (preferably a sister because he's somehow convinced they're nicer..... he's clearly delusional)
4. I have continued to have an ache to love more kids and affirm life by saving them from the jaws of abortion (and foster care)
5. A Babylon Bee article about how 95% of Christians keep wanting the other 5% to adopt more to support pro-life efforts. (yes, it's a satirical site but it still struck a chord).
6. James 1:27: Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

I'm still scared, I still have the idols trying to creep their way in but Matt and I know it, deep in our soul, that this is what God is calling us to do. We still don't know if it's fostering to adopt or straight adoption. We are still at the beginning of the road and we don't know where it will lead other than to God's glory and that's good enough for us.
I can see the hope that is found in Him again. I can feel His peace again.

I will do my best to continue to write about our journey and to be very honest and real about the ups and downs. Right now we are just in the gathering information stage, including connecting with families who did adopt out of the foster care system. We haven't told any of our family just yet because we'd rather wait until we take a concrete step (IE signing up for classes or beginning the process of building a room in our basement etc.) but that time will come soon enough.

Please continue to pray for us. Pray that our feet will not falter or stray and that we continue to lean on God for guidance and understanding. Thank you.

Keep your eyes on the Celestial City

Last night, as we were getting the kids ready for bed, Matt was watching "A Christmas Carol" on TV and Jonah was in his room finishing up "Little Pilgrim's Progress". The scene on TV was of Marley visiting Mr. Scrooge. I asked Matt why Marley was in chains. I know it had been explained before but I couldn't remember. "He's bound to the things he bound himself too in life. Whatever he deemed as most important and above all else and weighed him down in life are now his chains in death." Heavy stuff! After that I went in to see how Jonah was doing. He had to finish the book last night as it was due tomorrow. He read the final chapters to me and then said something that was just as heavy. "We have to keep our eye on the Celestial City and not focus on the troubles around us. Mom, that means we have to keep our eyes on heaven and not the problems we have right now." My heart was full at hearing my son say that. "Jonah, that's so true. Christ and his Kingdom are forever and they're all that really matters. The troubles of today are temporary but the Celestial City is forever and it's beautiful."

I've been struggling to be close to my Father for a while now. It's been a very hard few months. All of the things I had bound to myself as being something I could rely on or find some form of comfort in are being stripped away form me. I found out that I will no longer be able to keep the role I love and while I am working towards other roles, they're not a guarantee... Therefore, my future employment is not promised like I thought it once was. We get home and we're exhausted and the house is not being kept up.... Matt was sick for an entire week meaning we lost an entire weeks worth of pay (with Christmas right around the corner no less)... And, I'll be very honest, I'm REALLY struggling with accepting the outcome of the election. I never thought the results of any election would scare me as much as this one does. I have long felt our nation was a good one but not great... but now I've lost faith that it's even a good one. To see that the people I know and love have bound themselves to propaganda, fake news and fear to the point that we elected a thin-skinned man child to the highest office of the land has shaken me to the core. I say these things not to pick a fight but to bare my soul with the struggles I'm having. Every day I read news, hear news, see news of this person throwing a tantrum over stupid things, berating and attacking those who dare to publicly disagree with him and put CEO's and Wall Street Fat Cats in position of power and I tremble. I see hate crimes in my home country rising and fear and hate ruling the day. I know I have repeatedly asked God to prove to the nation that we aren't really a Christian nation but I never expected he would use Christians and those who claim to be Christians to do it.
All of these things have sunk me low and, even in this joyful season... This season of perpetual hope... The season where we are supposed to remember the greatest gift God has ever given... I have found myself broken and sorrowful. That's why last night hit me so hard. Over the last few months I have bound the troubles of the now to me as if they were all that actually existed or mattered. For years I have clung to the comforts of this life as being the things that bring real comfort. God has seen fit to pull the curtain off of the mirror and show me what I've done. Bit by bit he is taking away the things that have lulled me into a false sense of comfort and temporary happiness and has laid bare what I really need. I need HIM. I need to keep my eyes on HIM and his Kingdom! That is where true joy comes from. That is where true comfort and peace come from. They don't come from me having a cushy job. They don't come from my government. They don't come from a clean and well put together house. They come from Christ. God, forgive me for clinging to things that don't matter in the end. Help me to keep my eyes on the Celestial City and on you.

A New Era

To all of my friends and family out there: We are all different. We are all handling this new period of American History in different ways. Some of my friends (including my buds in the LGBT community) are very scared right now about what the future holds under a Trump presidency. Some of my friends (including some family members) are excited about the fact that there is a fresh face leading the way vs. a career politician and are hopeful/excited.

I think I've made it abundantly clear what side of this my immediate family falls into. Let me flesh this out a bit more because we have GOT to figure out a way forward... So let me do my best to try and presents both sides as best as possible to see if we can find some common ground.

Trump supporters:

There are two kinds of Trump supporters I know.. Those who did not like him but voted for his platform and those who really liked him. This is what I understand of those camps

People who supported his platform supported his stance on abortion, his stance on growing the economy, his stance on conservative values and putting in a conservative judge. They liked that he wants to put terms on senate/congress....They wish it would have been another candidate like Rubio or Cruz but felt it was better than voting for a career politician who was clearly corrupt and is in Wall-Street's pockets. To these kind of Trump supporters.. I tend to be more understanding and gracious... I could have seen myself wanting to vote for those kind of ideals too had they not been represented by Trump.

Then there were the people who actually LIKED Trump, the whole package.. I'm still going to be as fair as possible but I readily admit it's harder for me to be gracious here...They liked him for all the things that the other kind of Trump supporters liked about him. They liked that he didn't hide his anger and has/had a very authoritarian manner. They were/are wooed by the fact that he is a business man and are convinced he has/is a very successful one.. They see a country full of "save zones" and cry baby college kids and they want someone with the 'balls" to say "Suck it up". They want to see someone with authoritarian type power who will put cry babies in their place and make people work for their money.

Never Trumpers/Clinton supporters:

As for the other side of the coin.. That is way way more diverse than I could possibly explain but I will at least do my best to explain it from my families point of view and from a few of my friends that I know well enough.

We see Trump's platform with regards to the environment as atrocious. He wants to put the Dakota Pipeline back in business and wants to get out of the UN's deal on a greener planet.. On top of the fact that he is a climate change denier. These are all things that baffle my mind. In watching the history of Trump and his character unfold, it is apparent to me that he will say anything that he thinks will get him ahead (sound like another candidate that was running?). He's a showman, a huckster. Someone who knows how to run a successful reality show (pretend drama, find a bad guy and a good guy.. if none of these things exist, make them exist). He has made it clear that Muslims are to be seen with suspicion and that he fully wants and expects everyone to be ready and willing to turn their Muslim friends in at a moment's notice (remind anyone of the red scare?). For others, they find Pence just as scary as he is very anti-LGBT rights... Considering how fresh that victory was for them they have a real reason to be afraid that somehow these two will find a way to rip the victory out of their hands... A victory they've spent decades working for. (agree with the victory or not). This is a man who has demeaned women, made careless and flippant responses to anyone he doesn't like or doesn't agree with and has made it clear that he's more than happy to seek out revenge on anyone who "wrongs" him. The laundry list of character flaws that could be rolled out on this man are numerous and for that big reason alone many of us couldn't bring ourselves to vote for him.

Now we're a country even more divided. The Trump supporters are granting no lee-way to those who are devastated and voicing their devastation and the looters are only fueling the problem. Trump supporters act like they can't even fathom why anyone would be upset to this level... As if they didn't pay one iota of attention to the words that came out of his mouth the entire time he was campaigning. No one is allowed to voice their opinion without complete ridicule. If you feel like I've ridiculed you personally, I apologize.. I am upset, I make no apologies for that.. I'm upset that someone so openly loved by the KKK is our leader and I'm upset that our country was so lost in it's way that we decided Trump and Clinton were the best we could come up with. I'm upset because bigots and racists are committing violence against minorities and I'm upset because others are looting and fighting in the street.

I am upset because instead of Trump supporters being gracious and reaching over the aisle to say "hey, Muslim/black/Latino/LGBT, friend.. Don't you worry. I'll protect you! You're loved." They're acting like they just don't understand why anyone is upset and waiving it off with a "get over yourselves, your candidate lost, big deal." Guys, it IS a big deal and the sooner you can understand and accept that, the faster we can reach a point of peace.

People who are crying out in despair and scared and upset and wanting to protest right now.... Please take a step back and breath. You're going through the 5 stages of grief right now and I absolutely get it... But I can't think of a single person who actually voted for this guy who truly hates you, your race, creed, nationality or sexual orientation. Yes, this event did embolden and empower that rotten minority of the population, but that's still the minority of the population. The only way we are going to make this work is if you also reach back across the aisle and say "I want this to work. Please, protect me from the hateful few and let's talk about how we can make this better."....

This isn't a promise things will truly get better. All things considered, everyone would be wise to observe everything closely, listen closely and process it all. All of us, myself included, need to not be so quick to comeback with a snarky fast witted remark. All of us need to stop blaming the media or the bigots or the looters and take a hard look at ourselves in the mirror. How can YOU be an agent of peace today... How can I be an agent of peace today.

Step 1. PRAY. We all need Christ now more than ever. These are tough times for a lot of people and we need the King of peace if we're going to have peace.

Step 2. Allow people space to air their grievances without ridicule.

Step 3. Before commenting or arguing, ask yourself "am I emotionally caught up in this right now? Do they have a valid point at all? Will what I say help bring about understanding or just create more problems?... If you're emotionally caught up in the moment, wait until you're not.. If they have a valid point make sure to mention that to them.... If what you are going to say is going to just make things worse or start a fight.. SHUT YOUR MOUTH... Please!

Step 4.If you see someone airing fear or grievances, reach out to them to assure them that you love them and would fight along side of them if the government actually did try to make their life harder or take away rights (and if you wouldn't be willing to do that, you need to evaluate why you're even in their life).

Step 5: Check your own fear and anger at the door when talking to other people. I'm fearful and I'm angry but I know and always have known that there were people who supported Trump who were not deplorable or awful people.. and I want them to know that I still don't think they're deplorable or awful, misguided yes but not awful. Whenever we speak I hope you understand that my disagreements with you are just that, disagreements.... Until the day comes where you actually support an action that would take away people's rights or ruin the lives of families etc. ..But until then I will continue to lovingly disagree with you. We may not always have kum-by-ya sessions together and I may not always like what you say, but you have a right to your opinion and I won't try to shut your opinion up either (unless you get rude, I have to draw a line somewhere.)

Step 6: We have all got to really try and understand the other sides point of view. Look. I get it, you guys wanted fiscal responsibility and conservative judges and a tighter reign on a smaller government.. I get that... That makes sense to me... But, please understand our perspective too... This man's character is simply awful and so we have very little hope that he will succeed with what you're hoping... Not only that but a bit of me is really scared if he does succeed. If he is wildly successful what will that say about future candidates? Will the next one be of even worse character and even more authoritarian and more car salesman like and sell us all on a wild dream that inevitably crushes us? You have to ask yourselves these kind of questions.

Step 7: If and/or when something goes wrong with this presidency.. and especially if/when it all goes down hill please do NOT brag... Share facts... and that may sometimes include a bit of "guys, I was warning you about this".. but there is a way to say it without a nasty "I told you so".... This advice is also for if things go well.... Bragging about everything turning out the way you hoped it would is not going to help either. In either case you're just belittling your fellow man.. and that shouldn't be what we want. We should want unity. Maybe it won't always be that way... Maybe someday in our countries future there will be another revolution or civil war.. but let's not make that be today... Let's fight with all we have.. But for unity and peace... We must do that with all that we've got for as long as we've got.

This has been a very long write up... and that's why I put it in the blog verses right to facebook... Because what I have to say is just too short to be summed up in a tiny post. I hope you guys have read it and I really hope we can find a way to work together and stop tearing each other apart.

It's really happening.

"If you can't see that far ahead.... Go ahead and go as far as you can see."- Bob Blincoe

I'm extremely excited to share with everyone that we have official travel dates to Port Shepstone South Africa. We'll be leaving right at the end of May and be there for 2 short weeks. Matt and I are both extremely anxious and excited about what God has in store for us. We also were able to successfully partner with Helps Ministries for our fundraising needs for this trip, along with that means having someone (with better skills than myself) format our letters into nice works of art.

I received word that our fist newsletter went out in the mail yesterday. Couple that news with having dates blocked, plane tickets and car rental booked and it's finally hitting us on just how real this is.  Lord help us to be humble, reverent and teachable as we continue to move ahead in faith and trust.