The Impact on Generations.

Adoption:

It's January in Puerto Rico and a young woman is realizing that she is pregnant.... again! This should be a time of joy but instead she's terrified. You see, she's not married. Worse, the father of this child is already married and is not interested in leaving his wife for her. Abortion is not an option, for so many reasons. 1) it's 1959, and abortion is not something you talk about or can do safely. 2) It's Puerto Rico and like most Puerto Ricans she comes from a strong Catholic family who would never be okay with that. But she has to do something. She decides to check with her parents. Perhaps they will take this one in and raise it just like they did it's older sister.

She goes and asks... But they say no. They're old now and are already raising her daughter from the same affair. However, they also know that she is not capable of raising children on her own. Her IQ is low and her prospects in life are bleak. They care for her but tell her she will have to give the child up for adoption.

In October of 1959, my Tita placed my mother into the hands of nuns to be put up for adoption. Shortly afterwards my mother was adopted to an Irish couple from California and raised as their own. She grew up healthy and full of life. She married the love of her life in 1980, had two children and now has 5 grandchildren that she also loves.

You see, because my Great Grandparents encouraged, pressured and supported Tita in giving my mother up for adoption, I am here today. Because she did not panic and wallow in sorrow over what had happened and seek a back alley abortion, my children are here today. Because of her courage to face the eyes of judgmental people there now exists a lineage of proud, loving and giving people who are forever indebted to her and her parents. She may have had a below average IQ. She may have conceived my Mother and my Aunt through dubious and morally wrong circumstances but she was smart enough to see the value in life and she was blessed enough to know that two wrongs don't make a right.

When I was 14 I was blessed enough to meet her in person. She was small and frail but her smile was big and her heart was bigger. I remember her hugging me tight and covering me in kisses. I remember her crying with joy at meeting my mother, her daughter. It was the most beautiful thing I could have imagined. She was able to see that life was worth it and it was beautiful.

Abortion:

When my mother was 17 she became pregnant by her, then, boyfriend. She was scared, but she valued life and had planned to keep it (maybe even give it up for adoption). However, her mother would not allow it. Her mother was ashamed of what had happened. "Like hell you'll have that child" was her response. Her mother made it clear, "You have that child and you won't have a home to live in". My mother was terrified, shamed and broken. She was only 17, where would she go?  With a broken heart she went to the abortion clinic and allowed the doctor to kill the life growing inside of her. She has never forgotten the pain of that day.

Because my Nana could not see her own irony (benefiting from adoption and yet not allowing another family to benefit from it) a life was ended. Because my Nana could not value life above the power of rumor mills and gossip mongers, I have lost out on a half brother or sister. My mother has lost out on the chance to have saved not just that child but future generations. They don't exist now. They won't exist now.

It breaks my heart and I think about it often. I think of how big our family might be if he/she had been allowed to live and given up for adoption; How rich our family culture could possibly be by continuing the beautiful and sacrificial gift of adoption.

You see, when people talk about adoption, it's very personal to me and when people talk about abortion it is also very personal to me. I feel the impact of both every day.
When people talk about the merits or pitfalls of adoption they tend to stop at just the current generation, but I see beyond that. I see all the potential of not just that child but it's children and it's children's children. I see all of that because I live that... And when people talk of abortion as if it's not that big of a deal, as if it's a good choice whenever the mother wants it to be a good choice... As if it will only impact that one life... I live that too. Because my mom's abortion impacted me and it impacted my children (even if they're too young to know about it or understand it). In either case, the impact of the decision doesn't stop at the woman or the child, it's a ripple effect that impacts generations. We need to see that when we have these discussions. We need to see that these paths leave marks on more than just the first person it touches. Let's make sure we are leaving good ripples. Let's do what we can to love one another and love life.